Nesting dolls: stage 2

this is one of the projects i've been working on in the past few days.

besides this, i've been tackling the enormous pile of laundry we've got (did 4 bags worth today!) and working on some freelance projects, which have been loads of fun, but not really post-able just yet.

i've also been a bit sad for the past few days...
sometimes i question what on earth i'm doing trying to be an artist... i get very negative and doubtful and impatient.

i think it's connected to my always wanting to see ahead to a safe landing before jumping.

i feel like i'm in the longest ever free-fall.

i keep telling everyone that it's fun and terrifying at the same time, but that's not true at all... it seems to be EITHER fun OR terrifying, depending on what moment you ask.

today it's fun.
ask again tomorrow.

love,
sam

masking it

sometimes i don't like myself. do you know this feeling?

being the contemplative type, i ask myself lots of "why" questions until i feel like i've explored my mood.

beauty is a recurring theme during these musings. here are some possible reasons i've brainstormed:
-i grew up in a beauty salon.
-there's a history of all kinds of plastic surgery in my immediate family: boobs, chins, lipo, noses, etc.
-i'm a girl in modern-day american culture.

i feel like i've heard and believed (at various times) a lot of very conflicting and confusing messages about beauty.

i'm done with that.
everyone is beautiful. especially you.

love,
sam

empty

if you open me up,
i'm afraid you'll find
i'm empty,
i'm empty inside

but where has it gone?
where could it hide?
i'm empty,
i'm empty inside

see, i lost my heart
the day he died
i'm empty,
i'm empty inside

so if you open me up,
i'm afraid you'll find
i'm empty,
i'm empty inside.

avoiding it...

i think sometimes my emotions make me claustrophobic... so i just ignore them.

this explains a lot.