long time, no blog

i feel a little awkward with this whole blog thing. i wanted it to be a venue to talk about art and such, but i always feel a little self conscious publishing my thoughts on it as if they were worth reading. i can't tell you how many times i've typed up whole entries and deleted them because i felt embarrassed of it.

however, now i am feeling the equal pressure of a blog that goes unedited for months at a time and becomes equally as embarrassing as saying something stupid.

the hurricane has been on my mind a lot, as many people have been displaced to texas as a result. i'm questioning my whole life, the way i live and such... wondering if the things i have own me instead of the other way around. i feel like if i had less nice of stuff, letting people stay with me wouldn't be as much of a risk as i feel like it is. and i also worry about safety... like, am i supposed to just let anyone come stay with me? what can i actually do to help?

i'm feeling pretty confused about a lot lately. i'm questioning a lot of my life, my purpose, my mode of living, etc. i just wonder if the way i live matters more than i think... if my excuses for it are just that: excuses. i guess i just don't want to turn around and be facing a mid-life crisis and wondering why i didn't live better now.

i don't think there are answers for these kind of questions.. i think i just have to walk through it. and listen. i'm usually better at thinking a lot about things and not actually doing anything. i want that to change. i pray it does.

well there you go. lots of random thoughts and vulnerability.
happy thursday!
sam